it is 4:39pm here and my husband is not home. he, innocently, told me earlier today that he would be leaving at "a decent hour." i have no idea what "a decent hour" means, and i like it that way.
not long ago, with lots of prayer and arguing with myself, i decided to not be so avid about knowing the exact time when my husband would be arriving home. this was NOT an easy choice! 2:00pm would mean 3:00pm, 4:00pm would mean 6:00pm, half-a-day would mean 5:00pm or later, and so forth.
when he did arrive home, he was half-greeted by a wife with steam shooting from her ears. i would have spent the entire time between when he said he would be home and when he actually got home allowing myself to get upset and angry, then more upset and angrier, until the hurt feelings consumed my thoughts and actions.
please do not take this post the wrong way. i trust my husband and know his intentions are always good. and i know that when he finishes at work, he will come home to us. simply, the demands and responsibilities of his job are immense, and just walking away is not always possible.
i now recognize that i was not angry at him. i was angry that a certain time did not end up the actual time and that the hopes in my heart of seeing him sooner were not reality. see, there is an enemy and he wants to damage my marriage, but my husband is NOT him. and, instead of being responsible for my own feelings, i wanted to blame my husband and, unintentionally, allowed the notion of exact timing to become a wedge in our marriage.
so what? well, not knowing an exact time gives me the freedom to assume that he is not coming home early. and, when he does come home early, i am wonderfully surprised.
now, when talking about our day, i have to interrupt my husband and remind him that i do not want to know when he will be arriving home from work!